I’m dying. And I’m in hospice.
I’ve never done this before, so it’s a learning curve. Do I do a little dance and sing with the Von Trapps?
So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu.
Or will I continue living, laughing, and loving in heaven as I’ve done all my life?
Hospice does change one’s thinking about life and death. Life has been an interesting spin, and I’m grateful for an ideal childhood, an excellent college experience, a good husband and three fine children. We’ve experienced pastoring, travel, tree farming, horses, music making, writing, gardening, and interacting with friends and neighbors, worldwide.
Here, surrounded by an assortment of people with varying health issues, I see life and death in different terms. Nurses, aides, and maintenance people show great skill and care toward each of us, and I care deeply for them all.
A friend sent me a book that beautifully examines death and dying in its particulars. Is death a friend or an enemy? How do we live as dying creatures? Does sickness and death reveal a lack of faith? Are there hints about life in heaven?
A quote on the last page speaks truth I want to live out:
Outside the chapel, a cemetery lies in an area cleared of trees. The cemetery has several dozen simple graves. Each has a white cross engraved with the name of the monk, along with the years of his birth and death. As I stand by a cross that marks one of the most recent graves, I consider how that monk had prayed the Psalms, giving glory to the Trinity, not long ago, just a few hundred yards away. When he prayed, the monk knew that his body would not have far to travel after he breathed his last. Even more important to the monk, I suspect, was his trust that the Psalms and prayers in the sanctuary would carry on, even without his voice.*
I’ll be out of the picture, but others will keep speaking and singing my lines. Worship will happen without me, hugs will be given, appreciation will cascade from refreshing streams of love and caring.
God WILL be praised!
*From The End of the Christian Life, by J. Todd Billings, p. 219.
We’re in this together, Death and Taxes being our only certainty. Comment below, or email egus@me.com. I love hearing from you.